When I started this blog, back in 2016, as advised by my wonderful mentor and author, Kate Kerrigan, I thought I would only ever write posts about writing. It seemed simple. What else would I ever have to talk about?
It turns out, I can ramble with such mastery that I astound myself. Since writing my first post; entitled ‘Becoming a Chameleon in the Literary World’, I have written about my own experiences with illness, college life, trying to navigate those early years post-graduation, my spiritual journey and everything in-between.
However, I have rarely written about the time I spend working on novels, poetry and publishing online. This is odd considering this is how I spend the majority of my hours outside of my 9-5 job. I do not simply write blogs, I write novels of all genres, some published online, others saved for myself, I write poetry and as of late; I film YouTube videos. Each and every form of this is another means of sparking my creativity and I thrive with each of them.
Yet, somewhere not-so-deep down, I have had a shame about the content I produce, the words I write. I let others decide what my words are worth in my mind and deny them the ability to declare them useless by not sharing what I work on, what I value most. After all, if the critics can’t find your work, then you’re safe, right? All in all, it’s a tremendously stupid system.
Perhaps I didn’t want to be considered to have notions, to be moving beyond the possibilities of a girl living in a small rural town in Ireland. Mostly, though, I simply feared judgement. Ironic really, when it goes against everything I typically write about.
There was a hashtag I used to use a lot several years ago; it came to me in a dream. Born With Pride. Back then, I loved the concept that one could live each moment with the pride of their existence, rather than encumbered by their own imagined deficits. Somewhere along the way, I lost that. I curved inward on myself, distracted by the realities of working and coping with daily, very normal, life. I convinced myself that those who post content to connect with others are somehow separate from myself. They are worthy, whereas I am not.
So, here I am, declaring my own creativity as worthy without any shackles of shame.
I write novels. On Wattpad. This year, I was a shortlist winner for the competitive International Open Novella Contest which was, funnily enough, my first time writing a horror. Since then, I am in the process of signing a contract deal between an online platform and another of my novels.
I film YouTube videos and I really enjoy it. It reminds me of why I loved public-speaking in school and speaking at conferences about my short stories.
I post to my spiritual Instagram account, where I talk about abstract concepts that I am passionate about that come to me in my dreams or my mediations.
Most of all, I don’t care what you think. It is in my interest to live my life without the cloud of doubt surrounding my creative choices. Needless to say, you’re not required to care. That’s the beauty of a life lived with freedom in mind. Everyone is authentic and the world keeps spinning.
I do not really have the right to, but I do invite you to consider living your life more freely, more authentically. Post a haul that makes you smile on your Instagram story, even if you have 12 followers. Write a blog about Love Island or politics, even if you fear others opinions. Yours is just as golden. Perhaps living freely for you, means doing so in your offline life. If so, I invite you to remind yourself of what makes you unique. Undoubtedly, it is something special.
Take care and be happy,